if anyone ever calls you a slut just say ‘and yet i still won’t fuck you’ and then blow them a kiss as you saunter away because that’s the closest they’re ever gonna get to your magnificence, o smaug, chiefest and greatest of calamaties
this is the most perfect fucking thing i have ever seen ever
'useless fucking paperclips'
I think I found my new bff.
Healthier Alternatives to your eating habits.
I haven’t tried all of these, so I can’t vouch. I know for my tuna salad that I make I do a mix of olive oil and mustard instead of mayo, but I don’t know in what universe Mustart is a straight up alternative to Mayonnaise.
For Salads, Avocado and Almonds are a great way to beef up the salad without adding bread!
If you ever feel bad just remeber there is a gif of me floating around tumblr of when I was 8 and I sat on the escalator and knocked down a table of jewelry at macys